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D is for Divorce

I recently gave a talk about Grief Recovery to a local group.  My talks always involve examples of the types of personal loss we might encounter during a lifetime which will cause feelings of grief.  Divorce and relationship breakdown are two of these.  Several people expressed surprise at this, they felt that a divorce was more about putting an end to pain but grief can be part of the hidden fall out following divorce. 

My first marriage ended in divorce after the relationship broke down.  Even though the last months of the marriage had been very painful and distressing I was unprepared for the level of grief I experienced.  Even though that relationship wasn’t working any more my heart was broken.  Over the years I had invested so much time and effort into the relationship.  I also had hopes, dreams and expectations for a future together which had come to nothing.

As well as the lost relationship, there were other losses associated with my divorce – loss of my home, loss of financial security, loss of status and for me it felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

My grief following the breakdown of my marriage, culminating in divorce, was full of conflicting feelings.  There was the feeling of freedom to do whatever I wanted closely followed by feeling alone and no longer being part of a couple.  Resentments and blame about the things that went wrong but then feeling bad that maybe I didn’t try hard enough to make it right.  None of this was logical but I now realise it was a normal and natural response to the death of my marriage. 

It took me a long time to be ok with having divorced.  For several years it was possible for my ex to stir up old emotional responses within me.  Also, although I didn’t understand it at the time, I had taken my unfinished business with my ex into my new relationship which found me responding inappropriately to something that had taken me back to past memories with my ex.

It wasn’t until I completed the unfinished business with my ex using the Grief Recovery Method that I found freedom from those old responses.  I was much better able to understand myself within my current relationship and I could now recall fond memories from my previous marriage with a smile.

If you want to find emotional freedom following a relationship breakdown or divorce, why not contact me and we can have a chat about it.  07707 644445 or

07796 451950